benny hinn

by dan darrah

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02:29
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02:57
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01:44
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about

recorded 2016 in my room during a reclusive bout rightly characterized by a friend as "summer's fallout." thanks to leigh and august for the art and matt for mastering. headphones encouraged. tapes available soon

credits

released September 9, 2016

thank you to: my family, scott, dell, leigh, jacob, mary, alan, ally, caroline, j2, torts, derrick, molly, kailey, danielle, tomasi, nicole, haley, and elvis depressedly.

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license

all rights reserved

about

dan darrah Whitby, Ontario

don't they know it's the end of the world?

all digital sales go to planned parenthood until the next federal election

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Track Name: enough salt
the dentist tells me i'm donning the standard things
of time spent with you
he writes me a script for coffee stains and cavities
and asks me if i need it doubled
but where i've got cavities, you've got jewels
and where you've got skin, i've got scabs
my bandages are just your band-aids
and insults are just words we say when we're angry
i still take enough salt for both of us
for when the wounds feel big enough for two
Track Name: 12:2
for twenty-two years i've aged steadily
but today i got older - i felt myself get older
woke up in texas, suit hanging in my backseat
to prove my family got smaller, 'cause today it got smaller
spare me the sordid advice,
you can’t curb this guilt of being alive
maybe the drugs will set it right
slow the spinning parts
inside my head
hide all the bibles
i can’t bear my name’s verses anymore
now that i know for sure
that He can’t bring back to this world
the trail of crumbs you’d leave leading to the basement
i can’t go down there – i’m too old
and i can’t count on what world comes after – i’m too old
thanks to you,
i’m older now,
and i love you for it
Track Name: go lightly
i made a lot of friends after i died, just like i wanted,
a thousand little faces in the crowd, oh, i tried:
i shot my nerves dead in the dark,
glued my brain to the backyard
and the bottle (or just the bar?)
i filled a hundred pews in this old church right up
i threw away the world that you handed me without a thought
there’s some photos of me that my head always draws you into
sometimes the ceiling tells me that i should count these sheep with you
i just don’t listen
the thoughts of "maybe"s and "i wonder"s they just don’t matter
i try to hear them crying
i try to hear them crying
but all I can hear is
your heels clattering on the steps outside my house
i want a little life if just for now
i wanna see the girl who kicked off her heels outside my house
Track Name: gazebo
thickets of trees and stippled grass
form a fence around a world
where we pacify our minds’ worst
and get comfortable with all the little worms in my skin
teach me father, to live in little minutes
and be all the way in ‘em
i learned quickly
nobody tells you that once you get over
it’s just a little white gazebo by the lake
where we’re supposed to pretend
that things are okay
it’s still the world where i'm too grey for the green grass
too cold for the sun’s wrath
too small for the shadows cast
too this, too that
but here i’ve got that
rotting white gazebo by the lake
where i sit and pretend that things are okay
i know you can’t build me heaven
but you could at least have made it look like you tried
Track Name: stuffing suitcases
i'm stuffing suitcases full of our things
the last thing that i wanna see is my driveway
run away and start over one hundred times
then one hundred more
i wanna die sometimes but not nearly enough to leave you behind
Track Name: please don't feed the centipedes
if you do all the living then i'll do all the sleeping
and worry enough for the two of us
give me the reasons why and i'll tell you why not
i'll chart out all that can go wrong
"just please don't feed the centipedes, they've been living in your room for weeks."
the bedroom paralysis is hard to justify
watching you walk the telephone line -
that tightrope to my house - looking over, jumping off
falling into the grass like hands into gloves
"just please don't feed the centipedes, they've been living in your room for weeks... and now you see them more than me."
glass shoes don’t break on beds
but on you?
i don’t think they could chip on concrete
grey in the dirt
green in that grass -
you break my heart a hundred times
you’re not even inside yet
Track Name: rose archway
if you want the truth, no matter how hard,
just revisit some places from your yard.
at dinner they'd spell out the words
so i wouldn’t repeat them at school
the d-e-b-t, d-e-b-t
they held hands above the table and they traded grace
for what feels like forever
but mum stole money from the neighbours for wine
and dad smoked secretly for some time
now I can see it all through the rose archway
where I learned, that things I thought were so much
are just not nearly enough
Track Name: arrows
we debase, we try, we attempt
we study each other
hit the books on one another
for the security of our grins at near-certainty.
let’s get it right every time.
our impatient gaze
makes me wonder if we're anything more than kids on stilts
firing arrows
at each other’s hearts
the searing bliss
when we hit the target
it’s easy to find you in every hymn
when any word in each one is just another way to spell your name
now i’m just pressing my ear to the ceiling to hear your footsteps
they sound so perfect
Track Name: young people getting married
look at the leaves between the light,
look at the lanterns, and the alter, and the rites
feeling twelve and doubtless at bay and dundas
secretly drunk and stupid with our boring parents
who showed us how to love so famously
we robbed the church blind
of all their wine
we stretched out on the steps
drank it at the scene of the crime

and we wondered if god’s wrists ever ache
from typing out our lives so carefully
how many tries did it take
to get it perfectly?
Track Name: saying goodbye to a sinner
my mother shudders remembering the devilish rites sweeping the nation
oh, evil beyond our minds' capacity to imagine
"we need to keep close in these times," she tells me.
so we killed you off on our tablecloth
dear devil,
we eulogized her at our dinner table

but the grip of the kitchen slackens
every day that you're not here
my prayers have to slip sneakily through a tough wall of teeth
but, God, i wonder:
hell, if that's where you are, couldn't be so bad if they're willing to let you in
hell, if that's where you are, is where i wanna be